Dating Foundations



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May 25, 2014

6 Reasons Why a Direct Approach is Best

There’s generally 2 types of approach when opening a conversation with a woman on the street.

You can be indirect and start off by just asking for directions or the time.

Or you can be direct and just tell her that you find her attractive and wanted to talk to her.

I’m going to tell you why a direct approach is pretty much always the best way.

It’s congruent

Congruency is so important when trying to attract women.

Women are great at detecting bullshit so if something’s off about you then chances are, she’ll pick it up.

This is why you can know all the lines in the world and still fail.

This is why “inner game” and how you’re actually feeling is so important.

If you approach a random girl in the street and ask for directions, then suddenly invite her out on a date, then she’s going to be confused.

It’s not congruent.

All of a sudden she realises that you didn’t actually want directions and you just wanted to talk to her.

It tells her that you’re the kind of guy who needs to make excuses to go after what he wants.

You needed an “excuse” to talk to her.

And that’s not attractive.

If you go up to her and are direct, then she knows why you’re talking to her right from the start.

There’s no point where she suddenly “realises” something – because you were honest from the start.

Indirect is basically lying

Being indirect is ultimately lying.

If your intent is to get her number then approaching to ask for directions or her opinion on something is a lie.

If she realises that you didn’t even want directions (or whatever excuse you originally made), even if you get her number, she might just flake on you.

After you leave her she has a huge amount of time to think about the interaction and if something was off then she’ll probably pick up on it and most likely flake.

Women love it

Every guy that I know who’s approached a decent number of women in this way has some kind of story where the woman has actually said that she loved the way he approached her.

Girls love being complimented in this genuine way and they love feeling like they made you approach them because of their looks.

It shows confidence

Confidence is one of the most attractive traits a man can have and by being direct you’re showing that you’re confident.

An indirect approach can often show poor confidence and is therefore less attractive.

Going up to a stranger and telling them that you find them attractive takes balls and she knows it.

Not many guys do it

Very few guys even approach girls they’ve never spoken to before, never mind do it in a direct way that they’ll love.

That means that there’s more for you ;).

You may have heard of “Approach Anxiety” – the fear of approaching a girl you’ve never spoken to before.

In reality it’s great, because it means a lot of the guys that know this stuff won’t even bother using it.

By approaching in this way you’ll make her day and you’ll have hardly any competition.

You’ll avoid the “friend zone”

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just go up to a girl and instantly know whether she finds you attractive or not?

Wouldn’t that make things so much easier?

Well there’s no sure-fire way to do that, but by being direct it’s a lot easier.

Remember that girls don’t really see attraction in black and white.

Quite often she’ll like you a little bit, or she’ll be a bit unsure about you while still being interested.

If she knows that you’re interested, she’ll be thinking about you in the way.

She won’t be thinking of you as “just a friend”.

This could mean that after a few minutes of conversation, she makes an excuse to leave.

If she does that, then that’s great. Because you know you need to work on your approach (or perhaps she genuinley has a boyfriend or something, or was genuinely not in the mood to be spoken to much – either way, you’ve saved time).

Remember that your vocal tonality, posture, and confidence are all way more important than your looks.

That’s been proved time and time again.

If she sticks around for a while then it’s a good sign – she’s at least somewhat interested.

But it doesn’t mean you’ve got her yet.

However, if she starts asking you questions and is smiling at you then you pretty much know that she likes you.

But what if you’d been indirect instead?

She wouldn’t be thinking of you as anything more than a friend.

You’d just be having a friendly conversation as far as she was concerned.

She’d be talking to you, even if she had no interest whatsoever.

You could have no chance in the world of sleeping with her, but she’ll still be talking to you.

She’s mostly just being friendly, because she doesn’t actually know that you’re interested in her.

So when you ask for her number she might just say yes, thinking that you meant as a friend.

She may even meet up with you, again thinking just as a friend.

See how much time this is wasting?

Be direct, and you’ll never be in the “friend zone”.

She’ll know that you’re interested, and if she has no interest in you, you’ll know about it.

Easy.

…but be sure to use a low investment compliment

Although you should be direct, it doesn’t mean that you should go over the top and tell her that she’s “absolutely gorgeous” and looks “amazing”.

You will get the best results if you use a low investment compliment – one that is nice, but isn’t putting her on a pedestal.

By giving her a low investment compliment you’re showing that you’re not blown away by her beauty – you see beautiful women all the time so you’re not making that big of a deal about her.

If you give too big of a compliment and you make too much of a big deal of her, then she’ll sense that you’re putting her on a pedestal, investing a lot in the interaction, and you’re really seeing her as a much higher value that yourself.

Saying something like “I thought you looked really nice” or “I thought you looked really cute” is perfectly fine.