Dating Foundations



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September 26, 2013

5 Reasons Why She Flakes

So you can approach a girl, get her number, and get some nice text message exchanges going on. She even seems happy and willing to meet up with you. But for some reason she cancels the date, or she just never turns up.

Today I share with you, what I believe to be the top five reasons why she flakes on you.

 

1. You haven’t displayed enough of your personality
This is important. She must feel like she knows who you are. Displaying your personality isn’t about random tricks you use to get her attention, or lines that you’ve read on some pickup forums. Displaying your personality is about being real with her. She needs to know what you’re really like. She needs to feel that you’re a real person like her, not just some guy trying to sleep with her.

2. You haven’t made enough of a connection with her
This is a big one. It’s fine to make her laugh and smile, but if she doesn’t feel connected to you, then she’ll be having second thoughts about you. We all know that just comfort / rapport and no attraction will send you tumbling towards the “friend zone”, but all attraction and no comfort will send you home alone too. Remember to display attractive qualities first, then build a connection.

3.You didn’t stick around after getting her number
If you quickly left after taking down her number, then she might feel like she’s been a little bit used. She may think that all you wanted out of her was her phone number, or that your only goal is to sleep with her. If she’s attractive enough, then she’s met countless guys who are after only one thing. Stick around after she gives you her number (it also gives you a chance to build a bit of a connection). Remember that in any interaction, a phone number is not a goal. A phone number means absolutely nothing. Did you know that a lot of girls will just give out their number to avoid an awkward situation? Sometimes you can get a girl’s number, but she’ll have absolutely no intention of seeing you again. The number just allows you to communicate with her again, and continue the great interaction that you were already having.

4. She’s not happy with the logistics of the meet up
Sometimes she’s just not happy with when / where the meet up is. To avoid an awkward situation, girls most often won’t tell you that’s what they’re not comfortable with. They will usually just make an excuse (like that they’re busy), but some girls will actually say yes and then never turn up. You should look at what you’re asking her to do. Is it too much for your current situation? I read a story about a guy who asked a girl to the pool for their first date. That’s way too much. She hardly knows you and you’re going to ask her to meet you in a bikini? It’s not happening, she’s going to flake. Make sure it’s something relaxed and not too formal. The best kind of low investment dates you can offer are ones where you’re going to do something anyway. Tell her that you and a few friends are going out to a certain club, and ask her if she wants to tag along. If she says no, then it doesn’t matter because it’s something you were going to do anyway. It reduces the pressure a lot, and if there’s not as much pressure then she’s less likely to flake. Save the more serious dates for after you’ve known her a while.

5. It’s a numbers game
Sometimes you do your very best. She’s attracted, you display your personality, you build a great connection, you spent some time with her after getting her number, you suggest a great date, but she still cancels, doesn’t show up, or stops replying to your messages. These things happen. Everything’s a numbers game, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. It’s not possible to get every single girl. She’s a human being just like you, and she has things going on in her life that are out of your control. You have no idea what she’s going through. She may already have a boyfriend but didn’t want to tell you earlier, she may have met someone new who was able to escalate things with her faster, she may have fallen out with her family, her dog might have just died, she might be ill, she might have fallen over in a big muddy puddle in the street and embarrassed herself, she may be having trouble at work, she may have just lost her job, etc. So many guys get hung up in what they’re doing and have an overwhelming desire to control everything. But there are so many things that could be going on in her life, it’s silly to think that you can control how she reacts the majority of the time. Sometimes things just don’t work out, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t try again later.

 


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